Thicker than blood
by ShunKickShunKers
Summary: She's been lying to them from the beginning, but Roman won't let Shepherd kill her without trying to turn her first. (Now a three parts story)
1. Roman

**Just a little thing that had been on my mind for a while...unbeta-ed work, so just read and enjoy :)**

 _She's been lying to them from the begining, but Roman won't let Shepherd kill her without trying to turn her first._

* * *

 **Thicker Than Blood  
**

Remi ' _Jane'_ is tired, exhausted even. But Roman watches as she chins up, faces Shepherd in the eye and lies.

She's good at playing the part of the good soldier. If it wasn't for the few missteps she couldn't be aware of because of the memory lapse, they might have bought it. But they are aware of those missteps, and they doubt her. To Shepherd, Remi has become bold, untrustworthy and a massive flaw in the plan she had crafted herself so carefully. To him, every great strategists make mistakes and hers was to believe her convictions would remain the same after the memory wipe. _Their_ mistake had been to trust she would return to them. He still believes she can be turned. Years of anger and bitterness cannot be so easily swayed, especially by someone like Remi.

Shepherd dismisses them (and orders her return) and Remi follows him to the car. It still comforts him to know she trusts him enough to take the blindfold with just the slightest hint of annoyance. It doesn't quell the sense of betrayal that beholds ever since she had decided to wipe him –wipe their history –out of her memory though. Shepherd watches them as they leave –watches him with the same warning in her eyes. _'Time is running out; turn her or kill her, but do it fast.'_

Roman looks away and drives off.

 **UB**

He stops the car half an hour later, near a place he and Remi used to go when they needed some time of their own. It's deep enough into the woods, quiet and peaceful. They had found this place during a random run; she had wanted to vent after a terse argument with Oscar and, being the servable brother he was, he had tagged along. An hour later, they had stumbled upon it.

"Where are we?" she asks, looking around them suspiciously. There is nothing else but trees and silence and the main road is fifteen minutes away. "Roman, what's going on?"

She sounds nervous and intrigued at the same time. Her eyes are on him, trying to read his intentions. He cuts the engine. It's not quite dark yet, plenty enough light to see her face and decipher her expressions.

"You look like you could use a friendly ear," he says, and the confusion becomes even more apparent. Remi would have never allowed anyone to read her emotions, but this new version of his sister is softer and more vulnerable. He wonders how she even stands this triple life, if she fears every moment she spends with them that her cover will be blown. He can't feel pity towards a traitor, but he does feel guilt. Their carelessness might have cost them one of their best operatives and the last of his biological family, but he will be dammed before he lets Shepherd kill her without trying to fix those mistakes.

"Wha-" many emotions run over her face -surprise, anxiety –before settling onto neutral. "I'm fine," she settles on, dropping a small laugh of disbelief. "It's nice of you Roman, but I'm fine."

She isn't. It's plainly written on her face and her body language and Roman wants to remind her that he's known her for a lifetime. But his Remi is stubborn, has always been stubborn, and won't admit something is wrong unless it is coaxed (or forced) out of her. This Remi is similar he thinks, but lonely. He sees the way she looks at him and Shepherd –but mostly him –the envy clouding her features when she thinks no-one is looking. He feels the way she leans into embrace when he brushes her, reaching out for any kind of human touch. She isn't Remi, not quite. She doesn't get their motivations, hasn't lived the trials they had gone through together. She will not join them out of conviction, not _yet_ , but thanks to her loneliness, Roman thinks he has a way in. She's clearly yearning for something to hold onto and if their common history had taught him anything, it is that she will never, ever turn her back on him.

He snorts at her answer to indicate his disbelief, pockets the keys and opens the door.

"Let's walk," he says, and is glad to see her follow again, albeit reluctantly. She obviously doesn't like being here, although he isn't sure it's not knowing where she is or the fact they are alone and far away from help. Still, she joins him and falls in step, eyes darting right and left, taking in their surroundings. It doesn't take long for the flicker of recognition to appear.

"We've been here before," she blurts with the same hint of disbelief whenever a piece of her memory returns. A few rocks are piled upon each other, hidden behind a large circle of trees through the forest. She finishes the course on her own. "We came here often," she goes on absentmindedly. Her eyes stop on a wild bush of wild flowers. "They bloomed since last time."

Roman chuckles at the wonder in her tone.

"Yeah," her faint memories makes him incredibly happy, and gives him hope. She sits on her usual rock, faces the flowers and tentatively touches them. She looks at peace and fascinated but he can tell when reality catches up and the curtain falls over her eyes.

"Why did you bring me here Roman?" she asks again and this time she is expecting an answer. He takes his usual spot on the rock across hers. She's watching him with wary eyes, troubled.

"You're thinner," he points out. Remi's jaw clenches, but barely –he would have missed it hadn't he not expected it. He takes her hand and holds it between his owns. His thumbs run over her knuckles. Her fingers are long and strong, her skin rough from use but so surprisingly _small_. Remi is so tough he forgets he is stronger than she sometimes. "You have this…heaviness on your shoulders. And you look so tired recently."

She might not quite be Remi, but her instincts are still working and he can tell she suspects he is up to something.

"I've had a long week," she replied instead. "The FBI is tiring."

She pulls her hand away –reluctantly- and stares back at the bush.

"It's more than that," he insists. "I can tell. Something's on your mind, but you won't talk about it. Is it Weller?" A flicker of emotion runs over her face, but it's gone too fast before he can identify it. Roman is surprised when he feels a protective streak building inside, similar to the jealousy he had first felt when Remi and Oscar had first dated. "Remi," he calls and uses the cooing tone that makes her open up nearly every time. "We have each other's back. After all we've been through…you should know better than hide something from me."

 _Nearly_ every time. Today, it backfires.

"So you've been designated to interrogate me?" she spats, suddenly defensive. She stands up, paces a little before remembering she doesn't have the keys to the car. Turns around. Roman reads hurt and betrayal in her eyes, which is, honestly, rather hypocritical from her part. "If you want something Roman, just ask for it."

She's annoyed now and would bolt if she could.

"Alight," he says and stands in turn. He towers her a little, but barely, and doesn't look away when he asks the first question that had bothered him the most: "Who tortured you those three months?"

That catches her off-guard but she sticks with her story:

"I told you already –Cade-"

"Don't lie to me!"

His outburst surprises them both, but Roman has made up his mind; before the night is over, she will come clean. He doesn't mean to snap but it stings that she still tries to trick him.

"We know you've been lying, Remi. Cade didn't kill Oscar; he would have never misspelled 'Markos'. It's written with a 'k', not a 'c'," he explains. Remi's features pale the slightest but her expression stubbornly doesn't shift. "But you've been missing and tortured," he speaks slowly. " _That_ is obvious. So tell me," this time, he's pleading. "Who did this to you?"

To her credit, she doesn't recoil and he wouldn't expect her to. Her lips are pressed tightly together and a war is wedging in her mind. Roman knows he's getting to her, but he needs one last push; his sister might be insanely good at making people do what she wants, but he is the specialist when it comes to Remi's psychology.

"I didn't want to have this talk in front of Shepherd," he adds truthfully. "Because depending on your answer, she might have executed you on spot." He steps closer, reaches out for her arm. "I won't betray you Remi, so please, _tell_ _me_."

Her whole body is tensed and she closes her eyes in denial. Roman pulls her against his chest, wraps his arms around her and holds her tight. She's shaking now, but hasn't tried to shy away from him yet. It encourages him; so he goes on.

"I won't betray you," he repeats quietly, like a secret between the two of them. "You've protected me my whole life, now it's my turn." And there, he breaks the original plan and whispers their story to her ear.

 _Ian is eight and Alice is nine and they're in a basement with other children. Their parents are dead and all they have left is each other. She reaches for his hand and whispers she will protect him._

 _Ian is ten and Alice is eleven and their handlers order them to kill their rabbits. He fails and Tammy's belly is opened and left outside to die. She comes to his bed that night and holds him while he sobs, listening to Tammy's cries of agony._

 _Ian is thirteen and Alice is fourteen and guns are shooting outside. She takes his hand and they both run out of the building. A soldier shoots her and she falls. He screams and kills the man on spot before being knocked unconscious._

 _Roman is fourteen and Remi is fifteen and they wake up with different names under a new roof. Their new mother promises she will take care of them because they are special and she teaches them to fight and survive._

 _Roman is seventeen and Remi is eighteen when she leaves him alone for the first time. Mother drags him around and shows him the injustice of the world and what America could be with the right leaders._

 _Roman is eighteen when mother becomes Shepherd and explains how she wants to burn her country to the ground to save it from itself. He is eighteen and alone (because Remi is already fighting out there for this country), so he nods and follows._

 _Roman is twenty-four and Remi is twenty-five when she enters Orion. She is convinced this is a different answer to the war Shepherd is leading and leaves with a determined smile._

 _Roman is twenty-six when Shepherd calls him and tells him his sister is reported MIA. (Roman is twenty-six when he tries to kill himself)._

 _Roman is twenty-seven when Remi returns very much alive and very much angrier. She comes up with a plan that will take at least two years to start, but it is a good one so they slowly set everything into motion._

 _Roman is twenty-nine and Remi is thirty when he walks her to the room where her body will be tattooed and her mind wiped anew. She is shaking and for the first time, he realizes that she too must have shared his fears and his nightmares but had never said a thing. So he reaches for her hand, holds it tight, and she smiles._

She doesn't pull out of his embrace even after he's done. Her body is relaxed, her breathing regular and for a moment, Roman can almost believe they are months back, having one of their rare moments alone. He knows her eyes are closed, that she is thinking, and that unless someone shows up and interrupts them, her confession is about to start.

"Four months ago," she says, and her voice is just as quiet as his had been just a moment ago. "Weller found out the real Taylor Shaw had been killed…"

* * *

 **Thank you for reading :) *can't wait till Thursday*  
**


	2. Jane

**Many thanks to those who reviewed! :D**

 **Kat:** Thanks, I tried my best ^^

 **GuesT:** Thank you!

 **Priscilla:** It was supposed to be a one-shot but, hey, I had a following idea and time to kill at work so...Thank you for the review :3

 **This is what happens after an awesome Blindspot episode with plenty of Roman &Jane dynamics. This was supposed to be a one-shot, it became a three part. Said third part should show up sometime during the week.**

 **Read and enjoy :)**

 **Unbeta-ed work btw, so all mistakes, misspellings etc are mine.**

* * *

 **Thicker than Blood**

 **2**

Jane shouldn't have come.

The baby shower has been going on for half an hour and she already knows she has been here too long. Allison and Patterson are preparing the cake, Zapata and Reade laughing together. Both are a little tense though, something Jane suspects has to do with Zapata stealing evidence to cover Reade for a crime he might or might not have committed (she had overheard them a few times; they truly _should_ chose the places they talk to each other more carefully). In the midst of the party, she just stands aside. A woman she doesn't know –an acquaintance of Allison –tries to stir a conversation but is quickly distracted by a more familiar face, and leaves the weird tattooed woman alone again.

Jane walks to the windows and looks outside, tired of playing wallpaper.

Allison lives in an apartment on the third floor of a recent building, in a quiet neighborhood. A good, safe place. Her child will grow up loved and cared for. Nothing like her own childhood.

 _Iron beds, dirty mattresses lying on the ground, blinking bulb, cold air and thin covers and Ian is curled against her and his teeth are chattering –_

Jane closes her eyes briefly, shivering at the memory. Ever since Roman had unveiled their common past a week ago, flashes has become a daily occurrence. Her memory is slowly returning, piece by piece, like a huge puzzle being assembled again. She remembers good parts, bad parts, and most importantly, she is finally grasping _why_ she had come up with this plan to begin with.

 _Innocent people sacrificed on the altar of greed and power. A small Afghan village bombed to eradicate the last active member of Orion. Nigel Thornton's eyes wide in fear and disbelief. "Something is very wrong," he utters, barely audible, still shaken from his wife's death..._

"Jane?"

Allison's voice brings her back to the present time. She turns around, faces the star of the evening.

"We're bringing the cake," she says cheerfully. Her smile dampens a little. "Are you alright?"

Jane curses herself for letting her mask slip and puts up an apologetic smile.

"Yeah, I'm good. Just have…stuff on my mind." She shrugs in a _'you know the job_ ' way. "I'll be right there."

Allison doesn't look convinced, but Kurt calls her and she returns to the festivities. Jane watches her leave. She and Allie have never really spoken before aside from the superficial greetings, but she thinks they could be friends under different circumstances. Allison is strong and straightforward and sincere and Jane has no doubt she will be a kickass mom.

Her eyes glide involuntarily back to Kurt, the man she had loved for a while. A part of her still does –otherwise she wouldn't have cried upon hearing about his impending fatherhood, or even showed up tonight just because he asked –but she's learned the hard way that her imposture have thoroughly broken anything that might have happened between them. He's one of those people who see the world in black and white; he won't allow a traitor come too close again.

The cake arrives and Patterson was right –it is cute and perfect for this kind of party. Jane smiles in spite of herself as one of her happiest memories returns.

 _Roman, opening the box with care, as if afraid it will disappear if he rushes. The wide eyes when he discovers his present, the tentative hug he gives Shepherd and the bone-crushing one he awards her are both heartwarming and heartbreaking. She can't recall what the gift was, but she will always remember his bright smile and shining eyes._

It tastes good, probably one of the best cakes she has ever eaten, but…it lacks something.

 _They're back at the rocks, two days after her confession. Roman hands her a candy with a bland wrapping paper. The kind they had at the orphanage, he says. It tastes awfully bad._

" _Are you trying to poison me?" she asks with a skeptical eyebrow. Roman laughs and plops one into his mouth. She wonders how she could have ever wanted to forget such a carefree sound._

Jane puts down the fork and drops the plate discreetly away. The candy wasn't good but Roman was there, and it made the whole difference.

Decision made, she slips to the back of the room, picks her coat. No-one notices her exit.

Once upon a time, she considered the FBI team like her family. After her arrest, the beautiful illusion shattered. Showing up was a mistake, a last attempt to cling to something that no-longer existed between them.

She just wishes she hadn't taken so long to realize it.

 **TTB**

Roman is there when she reaches her safe house. His expression is tensed and focused but he smiles slightly when he sees her. She invites him in.

"Tell me," she says in guise of greeting. Roman wouldn't be here if there wasn't trouble brewing.

"Shepherd doesn't know I'm here. She didn't –" he pauses and swallows. "Things are moving fast, too fast and I – I need you by my side, for a while. We have always been stronger together –I've always been better when I know you're watching my back."

Jane steps closer and puts a hand over his cheek. Roman turns silent and watches her intensely. She brings his head down and their forehead together. Their noses are inches apart and she sees the trust and silent plea in his green-golden eyes, the one genetic aspect they have in common.

" _I can't take that risk," Nas says, her soft-spoken but firm tone leaving no room for discussion. Jane can't recall hating anyone more than the Pakistani-born-Hindu woman at that very moment._

They have been children thrown to the wolves and forced to become killers to survive. She regrets many of the things she has to do, but should she have to chose, she would go through it all over again. Nas considers relying on Roman's loyalty is too much of a risk, not worth gambling the lives of thousands of people.

" _I love you, Ian," she whispers, and holds him in her arms while he breaks down, the old candy wrap held like a treasure between his fingers._

Jane now thinks she will light the match to burn the world down herself if it means saving him.

"You realize I need an excuse to leave the FBI in case I need to regain my cover," she says. Roman nods. "Do you have a plan?"

He winces slightly.

"You're the one who usually does the planning," he says. "I thought you might…come up with something."

Jane stares in wonder at this unexpected display of naïveté. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Remi snorts, half-amused, half-annoyed. She recalls he was always too impulsive, too ready to jump into a half-crafted strategy and make up the rest along the way; much to hers and Shepherd's dismay. She remains silent for a while, and the hope in his eyes slowly dissolves into resignation.

"I'm sorry," he finally says, stepping back and away from her touch. "I shouldn't have-"

"We have a few hours to figure out something," Jane says softly, unwilling to watch him leave so soon. She isn't eager to return to Shepherd for a long period of time; the older woman makes her feel uncomfortable for many reasons. But Roman is her brother and the last time she left him behind, their foster mother molded him into a sociopath. "Come on, let's get to work."

She nods towards the table, grabs some paper and takes a seat. He watches her with relief and gratefulness and pulls the chair beside hers.

The remaining time is spent talking, creating a situation that could serve as an excuse for leaving the FBI without blowing her cover. The first suggestions are filled with loopholes but little by little, it takes shape. Jane will simulate a call and claim Phase 2 is about to be activated. They will draw the team to an abandoned building filled with explosives, detonating the whole thing at the last minute. Details aren't perfect: Roman is adamant about Weller's safety and Jane is reluctant to lead her previous team and other agents to a certain death. She insists for very minor casualties, he insists that they should at least get rid of Nas who knows a lot about Sandstorm. They compromise. Weller will be held back by a second phone call from one of their people impersonating Allison's boyfriend. There will be a short delay before the detonation to allow as many agents as possible the chance to escape alive. A inside man can always slip the wrong medicine to Nas, should she survive.

It feels strange to design a trap for the FBI this after all the time and energy Jane spent trying to infiltrate the terrorist organization. It's also disturbing that she doesn't feel as guilty as she thinks she should. But she remembers Kurt arresting her with a cold expression on his face, not leaving her a chance to explain herself. She remembers Zapata's spitefulness, the gunshot wound that still itches in the morning. Reade and Patterson's anger are the only ones she will accept to face. Reade is a suspicious man by nature and had never made a secret about his suspicions concerning her; she can't hold it against him, especially since he was right. And Patterson has actually responded to her efforts to reconnect. She is the only one Jane feels she is betraying again. But Patterson will be safe in her lab, far from the action, which is far more than she can tell for Reade.

The trickiest part will be to convince Shepherd that Jane has turned (again) and that the plan is a necessity, not born out of Roman's need for his sister by his side. Jane remembers enough of her foster mother to know it will not be easy, or even pretty. Roman had held his word and not breathed a word about her confession. Her anger will hit them both at once, should they fail to make her see their point.

They reach Sandstorm's temporary headquarters in the early morning. Shepherd is waiting for them, arms crossed and looking thoroughly pissed.

"I told you I wanted her out of the way," she snaps at Roman once they are within earshot.

"Remi's back and for good," Roman assures her and the conviction in his voice comforts Jane. She can't care less about being in Shepherd's good graces, but her brother's opinion of her is another matter.

"I don't trust her," Shepherd goes on and only now deigns staring at her adoptive daughter. Jane stares right back.

"We are in agreement, I don't trust you either." she says dryly. She's not quite Remi and not quite Jane anymore. She's still trying to figure out who she is and where she stands in this war her family has started. The one real thing she holds onto is her love for her brother.

"We have a plan to get rid of the lead NSA agent investigating on...us," Roman starts. Shepherd is suddenly all ears and very suspicious.

"And how long has the NSA been investigating us?" Shepherd demands, glaring at Jane.

"A while before the CIA held me for three months in a black site," Jane declares boldly and waits for the incoming explosion. It doesn't take long.

Shepherd pulls a gun from her belt and aims at her. Roman shifts to stand between them, shielding her with his body.

"She's with us now," he repeats forcefully, willing her to accept this new situation without putting up a fuss. Shepherd doesn't lower the gun.

"Why the change of mind?" she asks, eying Jane suspiciously.

Jane looks at Roman and back at their foster mother. She thinks of the FBI and their promises; thinks of Roman and his warm embrace.

"My true family is here," she says.

She returned because Roman asked her to, and both are aware of it. Her loyalties aren't tied to Sandstorm or Shepherd, not even to the FBI anymore, but to her brother and _only_ her brother. Shepherd understands that, and slowly puts her weapon back in place.

 **TTB**

The phone call is carefully scripted. She and Roman prepare the map she will send pictures of and cross fingers the trap will work. Weller -Jane calls him Weller in her mind to distance herself from him now -is nervous and angry and many things at once, but he bites. An accomplice leaves a message from the hospital where Allison had not-been brought to after her not-accident. Sandstorm evacuates the site and they are far away when the Strike Team arrives.

Jane forces herself to watch the building crumble and doesn't flinch. This is her choice, this is the path she will embrace for her brother's sake, she reminds herself. Still, she is relieved when Thornton passes on that only two FBI agents have died, Reade survived with a broken leg and Nas is currently stuck in a coma.

They move to another site, still in the same State, and the preparations resume at a quick pace. Jane is still kept out of the whole scheme; Shepherd still doesn't trust her and Roman won't tell her anything -he's dancing on the edge already and won't risk both their safety more than he should. Her days are spent reading, moving around ammunition and kicking her brother's ass at hand-to-hand. Their trainings are public shows where other members of Sandstorm watch and study them. Jane hates it, but puts up with it because even after tasting blood over and over, Roman's smile is binding when she helps him up.

In those moments, she still believes it's all worth it.

After a full week spent inside Sandstorm, Jane notices things. Perhaps her voluntary amnesia had altered her thinking, but she can't help questioning Shepherd's attitude. The motherly side is quick to vanish, her drill sergeant tone faster to take over. Shepherd had always cooed and cajoled and threatened to be obeyed. Remi had her own talents before she chose to follow a bloody path. Jane was granted a different perspective altogether.

"I resent being manipulated," she says one night, after the lights had been turned off. She and Roman share a room with twin beds. It reminds her of the orphanage at times, but at least they are alone and the covers are thicker.

"What do you mean?" he asks quietly.

"Shepherd isn't fond of me," Jane explains. "I still might have some value when the moment to use Weller comes; that's the only reason I'm still alive. If she suddenly believes me expandable, I won't last long."

He doesn't reply right away. Jane suspects he had thought of it these past few days. Weller's position is considerably weakened, his career hanging by a thread, but it makes him even more determined to go after Sandstorm. Reade has returned and the team is working on the tattoos with a renewed energy. The question of Jane's loyalty remains a taboo subject among them. Weller and Patterson believe her on their side, Reade is skeptical and Zapata entirely convinced of her second betrayal. The Director of the FBI is neutral, but Jane has no doubt he would hand her over to the CIA in a heartbeat if she showed up unannounced. She's stuck with Sandstorm until the situation becomes clearer.

"So what would you do?" he asks eventually. "Return to the FBI?"

"No." The answer is definite. After all this time and her mostly restored memories, she doesn't think she could walk through the building without _feeling_ too much. "I don't trust them. But I'd start anew, far away from here."

"You've sacrificed so much for this, and yet you would abandon this cause?"

His tone is a bit sharp and bitter, but she thinks she hears longing and envy.

"You and I are blood," she states quietly. "And you are the one thing that has kept me whole for a long time. I won't leave, Ian."

The _'not without you_ ' goes unsaid, but hangs heavily between them.

"I won't let her kill you," he replies determinedly. Their beds are close enough that he can touch her if he reaches out. "I promised I'd protect you. And I will."

Jane takes his hand and gives it a tight squeeze. She knows he will do his best, but even Roman's best might not be enough. She is suddenly glad their room is dark and he can't see the expression on her face. Roman is right, when he says she usually comes up with good plans. She has one in mind, one she has been nurturing ever since him showing up at her doorstep in the middle of the night. Their future isn't bright and shiny and she senses Roman sees no other way out. She does though, and hopes that when the time comes, he will forgive her for what she is about to do.

* * *

 **Nigel Thornton is Borden's real name (for reminder). Till next time! ;)**


	3. Kurt

**These chapters keep getting longer and longer. Never thought I'd write so much until I hit the end…but here it is :)**

 **Thank you for the reviews, and I hope you'll enjoy the last installment. I took a few liberties with the aftermath by the way.**

 **Till next time :)**

* * *

 **Thicker Than Blood**

 **3.  
**

Twenty days.

Jane has been missing for twenty days, and it is slowly driving Kurt crazy. The phone call was a trap. Two agents are dead. Nas is in a coma and doctors aren't optimistic. They had little –almost nothing –on Sandstorm now. And still no news from Jane.

Tasha is persuaded she turned against them. Reade balances between her being manipulated or behind the whole explosion. Patterson hopes she is still alive. So does he. Pellington is furious; he calls the mission a scandal and a massive failure in the way bureaucrats do. The man had been in the field, but that was years before he got sucked into the political balance that comes with the title of Director of the FBI. Sometimes, Kurt thinks he's forgotten what it is like to search for answers and having nothing to grasp at but straws. Mayfair still went out there when necessary at least. More than even, he misses her presence now.

 _Don't go there,_ he warns himself. Thinking of Mayfair reminds him of who Jane was, or is, and he wants to believe she is on their side. He needs to, because if he can't trust his guts again, he will go raving mad.

Twenty days pass. On the twenty-first, they receive the package.

 **TTB**

Actually, Patterson gets the envelope in her personal mail. It's a medium-sized, brown envelope containing a small sketchbook filled with drawings. It was sent from a David Farewell, living in J. Dawson Street somewhere near New York. The sending address is, of course, complete fictive –and they check –but the blonde took exactly five seconds to identify the sender. The references are too obvious to be ignored.

"She sent it through the post office?" Tasha blurts in disbelief. "That's a huge risk –what if it had been intercepted, or even lost?"

Some drawings are hastily made, others incredibly detailed. They represent a various panel of things –from faceless characters, to animals, to buildings and even imaginary creatures. Kurt knows Jane has some skills with a pencil, but he would have never imagined she could be this good.

"She's sending us her own version of tattoos on Sandstorm," Kurt whispers in awe.

"It could be another trap," Tasha insists almost petulantly.

"I don't think so," Reade speaks up, surprising everyone. "This course of action is clearly a gamble. She must be under tight surveillance, or might have managed to earn some measure of trust by some way, or be very desperate, to have it sent through mail of all things."

"And we will waste out time figuring out what they mean," Tasha grumbles, clearly annoyed.

"Not necessarily," Patterson says, frowning as she analyses the very first drawing; different kind of plants drawn in excessive details. "This is a dahlia, and this is a black rose. They are symbols of deception, and you find them in some drawings –see here?" she runs through the pages until she stops on a giant snake wearing a cap and running through a thick forest, its stripes a perfect reflection of its environment. A small bunch of dahlias are drawn in its wake. "This one means it's relevant. This one," she shows a raccoon wiping the floor with its tail. "Isn't. I think the snake hiding in the forest means blending in. See how the stripes hide him? Blending in?" the team stares at her. Patterson rolls her eyes. "We played Dixit a few times, okay? And let me tell you, Jane is amazing when it comes to image association and symbolism."

"Dixit?" Reade asks, puzzled.

"We don't have time for this," Kurt interrupts. "Patterson, do you think you can decode this?"

The blonde's smile is determined and optimistic.

"Jane sent this to me, because she designed it for me," she says resolutely. Kurt can already see the wheels working in her brilliant mind. "I can do this."

"If you're right, this means it can be interpreted many ways."

Patterson's eyes harden.

"Maybe, but she knows me. And last time we talked about snakes…" she pauses. "I need to understand what she's trying to say, okay? Give me some time."

They leave her to concentrate.

If Kurt has to be honest, he is a little bit disappointed. He was hoping that whatever sign of life Jane would send would be directed to him. They have some kind of bound, or had a bound, he supposes. They haven't been really close lately –ever since she returned, actually. But he trusted her on the field. He let her watch his back. She knew she could trust him.

Right?

Apparently not. And it kind of…hurts. He suddenly wishes Nas was there. She could offer some objective point of view on the situation. Tasha is too influenced by her personal anger with Jane, Reade too undecided and still recovering. And Patterson is busy decrypting whatever messages Jane had managed to slip under Sandstorm's nose to hold a conversation.

He wonders why she hadn't already returned to them. To him. Perhaps Allie was right after all.

 _The cake is good and everyone seems to be having fun. Kurt is debating on whether he should take a second slice when Allie finds him._

" _Is Jane already gone? I thought I saw her leave," she asks him. Kurt looks around him and can't spot her. Jane is good at blending in, but even she couldn't hide in Allie's small apartment._

" _She could have said goodbye," he mutters, annoyed. Allie, surprisingly, rolls her eyes._

" _I can't really blame her, given the way you've been treating her," she says dryly. "No-one has spoken to her all evening. Your team didn't approach her –you didn't even look at her," she pauses and crosses her arms. "Is it true? That you didn't invite her at first? That she's only here because Patterson thought you had and she slipped at_ work _of all places?"_

" _No, I-" he pauses, looks away. Allie is right, after all. "The team is uncomfortable around her, so at first I didn't think it would be a good idea."_

" _She's here because you pressured her to come," she interrupts, sounding disappointed. "Kurt, you are such a selfish prick sometimes."_

 _And she leaves, shaking her head in disbelief._

He watches Tasha and Reade discussing, overheads bits and parts of sarcasm and camaraderie. Before finding out Jane wasn't Taylor, Jane would have been among them, sharing her impressions of just being sassy. Come to think of it, he can't remember the last time he's seen her smile.

"Guys!" Patterson's panicked voice brings them back. "You need to see this!"

 **TTB**

The taking down of Sandstorm is faster than anticipated, but a lot more violent too. Jane's notes don't indicate their final objective, but they provide other details –the snake blending in turns out to be a reference to a doctor infiltrating their ranks; who turns out to be Borden. After that, they listen to Patterson more carefully. A cargo indicates the importance of their munitions, a Roman centurion leading a legion an approximation of their numbers, and other odd drawings the places she heard about and saw. They locate the headquarters using satellites and maps and prepare themselves better this time. SWAT teams are even lent for support.

At first, Kurt orders that Jane, Shepherd and Roman need to be brought back alive. But Pellington is quick to pull rank and counters by ordering those three must be shot on sight. When Kurt tries to reason him, his boss hisses:

"Too many lives have been wasted already on this case. If we behead the snake, the whole body will fall apart."

Kurt wants to argue more, but not many share his opinion. Shepherd is a very dangerous element, no matter how full of information or connected she might be. No-one cares about Roman and Jane's loyalties are too unstable in everyone's eyes to be considered reliable. He can only watch as agents gear up, and wonders if this is how Jane felt when Nas denied her a possible salvation for Roman.

The first fire exchange is violent and short-lived. Sandstorm members are well-trained, their reflexes are unparalleled but even they are caught by surprise. Many fall before they have time to regroup. The domain they are hiding in is large and it's a hunting game about to begin. Shepherd, as the Queen Bee, defends herself like the fierce soldier she is and is fiercely defended by her followers. Explosion starts to echo around the place –they have resorted to using the ammunition they have kept for the grand finale that will never happen- and FBI causalities begin to pile in turn. Kurt navigates through what feels like a battlefield. Bullets fly around him –a few graze him and he falls badly after ducking a grenade, but he keeps going on. His team is in the middle of the fight and he wants to find Jane desperately.

He never will.

Shepherd is cornered and detonates a mountain of explosives when they are about to arrest her. She takes seven agents down with her and injures twelve others. The main building flames up in minutes and the evacuation order is immediately given –too much risk and they lost enough people for one day. Kurt desperately searches for any hint, any trace of a tattooed body among the ones he comes across while evacuating. And when the building is destroyed in a last impressive deflagration of fireworks, his hopes burns down with it.

Most of Sandstorms operatives are dead, very few on the run and even less arrested. The case is delegated to another team for 'fresh eyes', according to Pellington, and Kurt's team is politely suggested to take some time off.

They don't hear about Sandstorm until another month, when Kurt is given a partial report of what had been said during interrogation. He skims over the objectives and looks for the part that interests him the most. He nearly misses it, narrowly remembering that Jane's chosen name is Remi, but he finds out what happened to her, and why he didn't see her on site.

The operative who gave in reported that Remi was caught sneaking away from the camp. Shepherd had her executed in front of an assembly. Three bullets: chest, abdomen, stomach. And then her body was carried away to be buried somewhere. The only one who knew where she was buried was the same person who killed her; Roman.

Tasha and Reade cry upon hearing the news. Patterson clenches at the little sketchbook, the last of Jane's gift to them. Kurt drops the file, buries his face in his hands, and just like when he found Taylor's remains, screams in rage.

 **TTB**

No-one mentions seeing Roman, or his body being found, though it was reported he was sighted on the site during the FBI's raid. The team clings to the hope he survived and escaped and is currently in hiding. They look for him off the book, but with no real success. Time flies, but some things remains. Tasha flinches whenever she hears Russian or Bulgarian, Reade pinches his lips whenever the name 'Jane' is spoken and Patterson smiles fondly –and sadly –whenever they come across someone wearing a tattoo. Nas eventually wakes up, but her arm is paralyzed and she will never be allowed on the field again. Still, Zero Division promotes her and sends her to another facility somewhere else in the US –classified information, she tells Kurt on their parting dinner.

Kurt lives in limbo for a while. Losing Taylor had hit him hard the first time –both times, actually, but losing Jane is something else entirely. He is placed into a mental institution for a few months to help him recover, and once he is out, he buries himself into work. Allie gives birth to a little girl, and Kurt is here to see it. He asks she gets Taylor as a middle name, and his request is granted.

Roman remains unfound and after four years of chasing a ghost, they finally believe he truly died in the explosion of Sandstorm headquarters. Zapata and Reade both get to lead their own team, and move out of State. Only Patterson remains in New York, she loves her current job too much to even think of leaving it. Pellington is on his way to retirement and is hinting that Kurt should take over his position. Kurt doesn't know if he truly deserves it, but he has a few years to decide.

In the end, he's the only one still chasing Roman, on his personal time. His leads turn into dead ends, although he does busts a few bad guys on the way.

Four years and two weeks after Sandstorm is torn down, something eventually happens.

It has been a long day. Kurt is tired when he returns home, barely keeping his eyes open. Today's case had included a car chase and running through the streets of Brooklyn. Patterson has been unusually snappy today and paperwork hell to work through. All he wants to do is warm a pack of noodles or finish the pizza leftover he knows is lying in the fridge. He never sees the blunt object that hits the back of his head and blacks him out.

When he opens his eyes, Kurt finds himself fighting a huge headache. His hands are tied to the armchair but loosely enough he could break away if he tries hard enough. But he doesn't, not yet. Not when Roman himself is sitting in his couch, right across him. Kurt feels the anger pumping through his veins, every bit of resentment that he thought had cooled off with time resurfacing like a geyser out of the ground.

" _You_ ," he hisses angrily.

He had never actually met Roman face-to-face, but thanks to Jane's drawing he recognizes him immediately. The lights have been turned off in his apartment, a single lamp in the other end of the corridor leading to his bedroom clears the living-room, but barely. He can't see the younger man's face clearly, but the scar over his right eye is there and his chin shaved clean. He looks younger than his actual age and in good health, but his eyes are fixed on him and his shoulders tensed, ready to bounce anytime.

"What do you want with me?" Kurt asks aloud, still pulling on his restraints. Damn, they aren't as loose as he first believed.

"You've been looking for me," Roman says instead. His voice is rough and deep and slow, softer than his sister's. "I should ask what do _you_ want with _me_?"

He echoes his question with genuine curiosity, as if he cannot imagine the pain he caused them, or doesn't care. Kurt tightens his fists.

"I want justice. You are a terrorist and you murdered your own sister."

Roman doesn't blink at the accusation. He merely stares at some spot over Kurt's shoulder and nods…and Kurt realizes Roman didn't come alone.

"He didn't quite kill me, actually."

The voice is as rough and sharp and blunt as he remembers. He hadn't heard it in years, so he doesn't dare to hope and stands very still until-

Jane steps into his view and stands by her brother, very much alive. Her hair is longer, falling just under her shoulders in soft waves, following the current fashion. It changes her a bit, makes her look serene even though the line of her eyebrow is still severe. She too, looks healthy and fit as ever.

"Hi Kurt," she says. Kurt can only stare for a while. And when he finds his voice again, he asks one word:

"How?"

4 years earlier, Sandstorm headquarters.

 _Her hands are tied in her back, and she is forced to kneel. Mitch found her carrying a letter and trying to sneak out of the compound. He brought her to Shepherd and made her confess her intentions. Remi doesn't lie this time. She thinks Shepherd is taking things too far, that the original plan wasn't supposed to cause so many deaths, that power has gone to her head and she enjoys it too much to be objective. So Shepherd decides to make an example out of her and brings her outside in front of the other members of her organization. Roman is powerless and can just watch the events unfold before his eyes._

" _Kill her," Shepherd orders him. He is forced to choose; either he follows his mother, either he dies along his sister. Remi doesn't look up. She took a bad beating from Mitch earlier and can hardly talk anymore. Roman feels his heartbeat drum up to his ears. Every eye is on him. He feels the weight of his weapon in his hand and the pitiful state his sister is in._

" _I'm sorry Roman," Remi speaks croakily and finally meets his eyes. Her face is bruised, her eyes sad and apologetic. She shouldn't have put him in this position; he had brought her back and she had betrayed them again._

 _And there, he knows what he has to do._

 _He barely realizes tears are sliding down his cheeks when he raises his weapon. His finger pulls the trigger once, twice and a third time. Remi slumps on the ground lifelessly. Red is slowly staining the ground and spreads around her. Everyone is stunned into silence. Only Shepherd nods, satisfied. But when they approach to take her body-_

" _Don't touch her," he snarls. He stares at his mother, hopes she can't see how terrified he feels. "Let me burry her. In Remi's memory."_

 _She allows him, knows now is not the moment to offend him. So he picks his sister's body gently and carries her to the back of the car. Her eyes are closed, she almost looks asleep. He deposits her in the trunk and drives off. An hour later, he pulls over from the road and enters a small clearing. A bike is hidden there, has been hidden there for days now along with an emergency go-bag._

 _Roman wipes the tears away from his face and opens the trunk again. Remi stares back at him, looking both guilty and relieved altogether._

" _Did it work?" she asks._

" _They think you're dead," he responds and narrows his eyes. "How are you?"_

" _You hit the right places," she assures him. She couldn't wear a bulletproof vest, too visible from the outside, but she did manage to work out around that technicality. Her undershirt has three small parts of bulletproof tissue sewed in three remotes places. She anticipated that Shepherd would want Roman to shoot her himself. His gun contains paintball bullets that would stain her in red when hitting the squares. The biggest risk was for her to be given new clothes, or her clothes being torn. In that case, Roman would have shot her to the head and then shot Shepherd for making him kill the most precious person he had in this world._

 _It still impresses him how good Remi is at backup plans. Even if this one relied heavily on anticipating Shepherd's reactions._

" _You said two days," he goes on. Remi nods._

" _Two days, three at most," she confirms. "If anything goes south, any tiny detail you find suspicious, you get the hell out of there and meet me at the rendezvous point." She steps out of the trunk and takes the keys of the bike he hands her. She hesitates a moment, then asks: "Will you be alright? I asked you to betray our own mother…"_

 _Roman stares at her. He can't describe exactly what he is feeling right now, but he thinks he knows why he agreed to help her in the first place._

" _You and Shepherd both used me at some point," he speaks slowly, conveying thoughts into words. "But her eyes are cold and yours are warm when you look at me. We've always have each other's back." He pauses, swallows. "And you promised…a new start."_

" _A new start, so we can just be us," she echoes. She steps close, cups his cheek and pulls his forehead against hers. Their eyes are close again and he can read the firm determination and the truth she believes in them. "I will come back to get you Roman. Wait for me, I won't be long."_

Brother and sister exchange a silent conversation. Roman rises and lets Jane takes his place on his seat. Kurt can see her thinking, pondering what she wants to say and what she wants to hide from him. After a short while, she speaks:

"As a SEAL agent, I had another legal identity set up in case I needed to disappear," she explains. "And while I was at it, I drew one for Roman. Shepherd didn't know about them. All I had to do after faking my death was to get those identifications back and book a flight out of the US." She smiles crookedly and admits: "Though it took good planning, good timing and a huge chunk of luck. I won't get into more detail, for safety measures."

"Yours or mine?"

"Neither. Both. Take your pick. We were just stopping to say 'hi' and ask you nicely to stop searching for Roman. Or me," she adds after a beat. "We found a way to help in our own way, to make a difference on a smaller scale. Your researching is compromising our work, and people rely on us to survive now."

"And what if I don't?" he finds himself asking defiantly. Roman's body shift slightly, becoming threatening in a matter of seconds.

"Then we ask not so nicely," he growls.

"Roman," Jane calls softly. Her brother falls back but doesn't look away from Kurt. He stands like a watchdog, Kurt realizes, protecting her but still obeying her orders. "We are dead to the world, Kurt," she goes on, her soft gaze returning on him. "Don't resurrect us, please."

He holds her stare and sees no lies, no malicious intent, just a quiet determination and the same cool detachment he doesn't recognize. Right there, right now, he understands why she was chosen to manipulate him.

"Why didn't you return to us when it was all over?" he asks eventually. This is the one thing he needs to know. Jane's smile is bittersweet.

"What for? You had Allie and Nas, Zapata and Reade didn't care and Patterson has her own life to live. There was nothing for me at the FBI, except maybe another one-way ticket to the CIA's custody. And don't tell me you could have fought it," she adds before he can speak. "I'm not naïve enough to believe your word had any power against Pellington's."

He wants to argue, but can't. She's right. He couldn't even convince his boss to spare her during the raid.

"So you ran and let us deal with the fallout?"

"They would have killed Roman either way," she retorts, unapologetically. "And I was not about to let that happen." She rises from the couch. "We'll leave you now. Sorry for the…" she motions at his tied hands. Kurt can't help but snot.

"Yeah, about that…was it really necessary?"

"Roman thought so," Jane replies with a hint of amusement. "He's been a bit overprotective lately."

"I'm not the insufferable pregnant one," Roman mutters, rolling his eyes. "And the doctor said you needed to limit strenuous activity."

Kurt blinks and stares.

"Pregnant?" he repeats, stunned. Jane smiles again, albeit shyly, and reaches for her currently flat stomach.

"Couple weeks now, I just found out recently. My husband is trilled…and so am I."

"Husband?" he repeats again. This is turning out to be the weirdest evening of his _life_.

"Husband," she confirms, more solemnly. "He knows everything about my past and accepted everything." She smiles softly. "He's the kindest man I've ever met. And Roman likes him, very deep inside." Her brother snorts, not quite agreeing with her statement. "Goodbye Kurt. I wish you well."

Roman steps closer and Kurt knows he's about to be knocked out cold again. So he focuses on Jane, her serene expression, her hand still over her stomach, her eyes watching her brother with fondness. He thinks about how different things could have turned out, that if he hadn't tried to push her away she could be with him, that this child could be his. But he has buried his head in the sand for too long, dismissed her efforts and worse of all, assumed she would still be there when he turned around. He has waited too long, wasted too much time. And when blackness envelops him again, Kurt thinks that when he wakes up, he will finally let her go.


End file.
